How often do you think about your deeper feelings? Do you contemplate such issues as compassion, love and intimacy? Do you do this often or only when some sort of crisis occurs in your life?
Thoughts about these topics sometimes reveal a hidden mine-field of disturbing reactions that may be unpleasant for us to admit. Many times we simply repress such thoughts because we just don’t have the energy nor inclination to deal with them. But the issues will still be with us, lingering just below our emotional surfaces.
Sooner or later we may figure out that we need to examine these issues. One of the most touchy of those is intimacy. I don’t claim to be any sort of authority beyond that of being an armchair psychologist. I looked into the intimacy deficit of my own life and that of some of my friends and acquaintances from time to time. So I can only reckon this from personal experience. What I write in this bluejayblog post on the topic is my hypothesis and not tested theory.
I think that most of us are simply afraid to be ourselves and to share that state of being with others. Certainly we can put on a great act and look like we’re being ourselves. It seems to me that this fear of being ourselves is rooted in our fears about how other people might judge us. Even if we proudly proclaim that we don’t care what others think, deep inside, we really do. This is the heart of the intimacy deficit both as individuals and as a society.
This is not to be mistaken for confessing your numerous problems to casual acquaintances, which is another issue all together. “True confessions” are about emotional boundaries and breaches of etiquette. They’re not necessarily linked to intimacy deficits nor abundances.
Without indulging in pop psychology or Internet social media feel-good truisms, I think if we can simply learn self acceptance and acceptance of others, warts and all, then intimacy deficits will dissolve away on their own.
We might think that people think about us all the time and that we should be worried about what they think of us. The truth is, that other folks are wrapped up in their own worries about what we think about them. Other folks really don’t give a hoot about us that much anyway. The exceptions to that rule of thought are busybodies. But you can never please them anyway, so why sweat it?
When you think about this lack of acceptance, doesn’t it make some sense that this attitude gets carried out into the general population? I say that if we extrapolate the problem of intimacy deficit to society at large, we’ll understand much of what plagues our nation and world.
You might wish to apply the sunshine law to yourself. You know about the sunshine law. Government agencies that are open to public scrutiny tend to serve the public better. If you allow yourself to be open to others, others may be encouraged to be more open with you. This attitude may just rub off on others.
I think that a personal sunshine law, practiced in good faith, will lead to an intimacy abundance and more happiness.
At least that’s the way I see it.
The Blue Jay of Happiness likes to laugh and play with others.