I have an unsettled attitude about Valentine’s Day. A big part of me loves the idea of romance. The candlelit dinner, snuggling with my lover, or a starlit walk on the beach, or the flowers all appeal strongly to me. On the other hand, I don’t like the fact that Valentine’s Day is just another commercialized holiday. It’s a Christmas wannabe sort of day. The hype around Valentine’s Day and Christmas can cause unattached people and lone wolves to feel a bit uncomfortable.
Even though, years ago I made peace with the fact that I’m a lone wolf, there are times I wouldn’t mind fitting in with a small pack, just on holidays like Valentine’s Day, but just for a few hours.
My boyfriend is also a lone wolf. He’s even more of a loner than I am. He’s not much into holiday celebrations and sentimentality. He’s not a cold person, but is simply a more reserved person than most folks are. He has a ton of love to give, but just doesn’t feel comfortable making a public show of it.
Lone wolves get a bad rap in society. Perhaps it’s because many people don’t understand that we’re most comfortable being alone most of the time. There are a couple of major categories of lone wolves that other people use to describe us.
The lone wolves most people think of is the first category, the loser loners. They’re the kids who don’t have social skills and don’t fit in with their peers in school. They’re the people who haven’t dealt with their jealousy issues and haven’t worked on improving their self-confidence. They aren’t bad people, but they are the “invisible” people nobody wants to hang out with. Often they are thought of as outcasts.
The other type of lone wolf is the person who does his or her own thing and makes no fuss about it. They are not losers nor do they have the traits of unpopular people. These lone wolves don’t care much about other people’s opinions of them. They reject most people, yet others find them attractive in some way. This type of lone wolf is the one who marches to the constructive, positive beat of a different drummer.
There is another category that is infamous and thankfully relatively rare. This is the loner who suffers from pathological mental disorders of some sort. This is the person the media labels as the “lone wolf killer” or “lone wolf terrorist”. These are the men, or rarely the women, who are not part of an insurgent group or gang who commits violent acts. I wish the term “lone wolf killer” had never been coined at all.
Average lone wolves are quite happy with their lot in life. Most lone wolves feel happiest when they are alone. Instead of finding comfort in partying and large circles of friends and family, they like solo pursuits best. Although lone wolves prefer alone time, they do appreciate touching base with family and friends. They just want that sharing time to be short and sweet.
When lone wolves find ourselves in domestic relationships, we generally need much more private time than most people. Two lone wolves make good partners because we respect and understand that aspect about each other very well.
One way lone wolves are similar to socially gregarious folks, is that all of us cannot be pigeonholed. When all things are considered, none of us fit into any easy stereotype.
While some folks crave the limelight, lone wolves prefer their own private inner light. The world needs lone wolves as much as it needs outgoing types.
Whether or not you are a lone wolf, I hope you enjoy a happy Valentine’s Day.
The Blue Jay of Happiness ponders something from Brad Pitt. “I’m a bit of a loner, you know? I’m more quiet by nature. And coming from, you know, hillbilly country, I’m probably more reserved.”