On or just before each Valentine’s Day, a teddy bear arrived at my home by United Parcel Service or FedEx. The boxes were not marked with a usable return address, nor were there ever any clues inside the packaging. One year, a Valentine’s Day card accompanied a bear that was signed, “Your secret admirer”.
These gifts were appreciated but not knowing their origins creeped me out. My phone number has been unlisted for years and my home address has been kept confidential–I used a Post Office box to receive mail for many years. The bears had to have been sent by someone I know. Was my boyfriend the culprit? He denied it and even admitted that he felt somewhat jealous that someone has been sending me Valentine’s gifts.
Perhaps it’s one of my ex BFs? One of my coworkers? Somebody from the radio audience? Whomever had been sending the bears meant no harm, because no threats of violence were ever sent or phoned to my home. Year after year, the anonymous Valentine’s bears kept arriving. Then, the gift arrivals ended. The last one was shipped in 2012. The Valentine’s Day bears remain the one big mystery of my life. I really wish the giver would identify her or himself.
I live in a small house, so there was nowhere to properly display the bears, so I kept them in a large storage tote reserving the most recent arrival for display. A couple of years ago, I donated all except a few bears to charity. Bed Bear, a legitimate gift from an ex-bf became my bedroom wristwatch wearing mascot, plus the red Beanie Baby mystery bear. The large-size Beanie Baby toy comes out of storage each February as a holiday decoration.
While it’s flattering to have a secret admirer. These days, any secret admirers should eventually reveal their identities to the objects of their affection. There are so many instances of harassment and harm that arise from anonymous stalkers. If the secret admirer really had a crush on me, why didn’t she or he ever make contact? Did she or he become interested in someone else? Is she or he still alive? I contemplate the Beanie Baby Valentine’s bear and wonder about its mysterious sender.
The Blue Jay of Happiness ponders this verse from an unknown writer: “What if the person you secretly love tells you he already found the one he could spend forever with would you be brave enough to ask who she is? Or bear the pain inside not knowing it was you after all?”