Narcissistic Abuse

I’m going to touch upon a few aspects of me being a victim of narcissistic abuse. Keep in mind that I am not a counselor nor mental health professional and that these statements and questions have come about through personal, non-professional observation. One must be very careful not to self-diagnose personality or mental disorders.

Today is as good enough time to touch on narcissistic abuse as any because today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. There are some symptoms that have been outlined by professionals and made available to the public in popular literature and websites. They include, but are not limited to a set of warning signs that can occur apart or in combination with each other.

1. Wanting to avoid situations or people associated with a narcissistic individual. 2. Often feeling very vigilant and alert. 3. Experiencing emotional and physical triggers or responding to situations that are similar to prior traumatic scenarios. 4. Unwanted, intrusive, or invasive thoughts. Flashbacks or vivid memories that feel to the victim as if she/he is reliving a terrifying experience. 5. Feeling alone, detached, or isolated from other people.

I began my personal investigation of narcissism and narcissistic abuse victims during the time a self-styled narcissism/psychopathy “expert” befriended me back in 2015. She was in the process of writing a book based upon a web discussion group with psychopaths she headed. My friend gave me a crash course in the subjects so I could be familiar with the vocabulary she used. Each day, she discussed some particular scenario or concept that she was including in her rough draft of the book.

During the few months of being her sounding board, my skepticism kept ringing alarm bells. The most glaring objection was the fact that my friend did not have any formal education in the field she was discussing and writing about. The second problematic thing was that she dominated every conversation we had. I could barely get a word in edgewise. The third observation that seemed very troubling was the questionable manner she had about training her dogs.

These questions became more personally relevant after I realized my friend exhibited many of the toxic behaviors that she condemned. Everything added up and came to a head one summer day on a trip to Omaha in a vehicle she rented for an outing and for some shopping. She had earlier promised that we would take time to enjoy a fun destination. She had talked it up and sold me on the idea. About halfway to Omaha, she reneged on her promise by claiming we wouldn’t have enough time to take in the stated main purpose of the trip. She needed to stock up supplies from a big-box store instead.

Naturally I was deeply disappointed by my friend’s bait and switch maneuver. I expressed my displeasure then sat in silence while she explained her “change in plans”. I remained silent so as to not become involved in a quarrel. She then accused me of being physically ill with a cold or flu and that she hoped I wouldn’t infect her. She then made a morbid, unfunny joke that if she came down with the flu on my account that she would have to murder me.

The situation was all sorts of messed up. I felt quite unsafe. Any trust I had previously granted to her vanished in an instant. I simply went through the motions of riding with her, shopping at Costco, riding back to her home, and carrying her purchases to her kitchen. I said my goodbyes to the friend and her dogs then left. The next day I cut her out of my life after another very unpleasant encounter.

As I analyzed the few years spent as her friend, I slowly realized how she managed to isolate me from friends and acquaintances. She had skillfully managed to get me to place my primary focus on her and her book project. As I evaluated the relationship, I admitted that my friend exhibited all of the classic signs of narcissism. Of course, I could not diagnose the personality dysfunction, but I knew enough to understand the need to sever the friendship forever.

I discussed my concerns with my physician and a counselor and came to the conclusion that I am better off not interacting with my now former friend. This also caused me to evaluate other problematic personal relationships. After more consultations with my counselor, I was able to make more sense about what had taken place and what was necessary to continue the process of healing from dysfunctional friendships.

If you suspect that you may be suffering abuse from a person who might be narcissistic, consult a counselor or therapist and get help. Educate yourself by reading books on the subject and watching videos about narcissistic abuse produced by licensed therapists, and other psychological professionals. Beware of self-styled vloggers and writers who have personal agendas. Stay the course with credentialed, licensed, legitimate professionals.

I hope this blog post has been a helpful first step if you have been suffering due to a relationship that resembles narcissistic abuse. Don’t just take my words as gospel. Do your own homework and consult professionals.

Ciao
The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes biographer, media personality, and writer, Lady Colin Campbell. “There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. If you have a relationship with someone who has it, there will be a certain level of pain built into it. I don’t think you can have a close, loving relationship with a narcissist, and I don’t think it’s possible to be a true narcissist and be a good mother.”