Reining In One’s Passions

Dad was a relatively generous, moral man who was thought well of in the community and at his workplace. He was also someone with whom it felt like “walking on eggshells” was absolutely necessary. At the drop of a hat, he could explode into nuclear bomb-level rages that made us want to run for cover. To say he had anger issues is putting it mildly.

It wasn’t until he retired from work and remarried that his personality took a 180-degree turn for the better. It was almost as if he was reborn. Dad was not particularly religious and he retained his ultra conservative opinions. However, the new version of dad was refreshingly calm and collected. He had somehow successfully healed himself of extreme, toxic anger.

I see similar anger and rage issues manifest in idealistic political and religious reformers. An example would be the kind of people who participated in the January 6, 2021 insurrection and riot at the U.S. Capitol. There seemed to be no rational reason for their hateful violence–it appeared to be rooted in misguided passion. In videos of the seditionous activity, I recognized the similar, mindless rage I used to see about dad in the faces of the rioters. There is no reasoning with anyone who is possessed with extreme emotions. It’s nearly impossible to de-escalate such scenarios except through police or military action.

Being primates, any of us can become possessed by extreme emotions. Unscrupulous agitators and leaders are well aware of this fact. History is rife with examples of violent insurrections, rebellions, and international wars that erupted as a result of misguided, irrational passions. At the micro level, we have highway traffic related road rage and the all too common, troubling presence of domestic violence. Such behavior is the epitome of mindless existance.

To rein in one’s emotional, passionate reactions to emotions that are biting at the bit of control requires a fair degree of mindfulness. To fail in this, a person risks physically and mentally harming others. When loss of control is exceptionally extreme, rage results in criminal charges and the probability of incarceration.

One way of decreasing the possibility of surrendering to violent, vulgar passion comes about through the practice of thoughtful reflection upon one’s life circumstances. This is easier for people who have cultivated prudent reflection and contemplation upon life as ways of letting off steam. When wiser people honestly acknowledge that they are on the verge of losing control, they step back from the abyss of rage. This is an art in and of itself. One recognizes the triggers of extremely toxic passion then regains composure.

This is a personal art because individuals react differently to various scenarios. Certain situations cause little emotional reaction in some people but the same situations trigger violent anger in others. The art of reining in such passions involves awareness of when one is approaching the point of no return towards animalistic thinking and behavior. Everyone has a different point of no return, so it is best to pay close attention to where that is in one’s own being.

An important part of gaining wisdom is the ability to remain clear-headed as one plummets towards the paroxyms of extreme passionate reaction. Every impulse to give in to rage is a temptation to deviate from masterful conduct. Through mindfulness in difficult situations, one becomes masterful in avoiding personal and interpersonal transgressions that violate the boundaries of ethical and legal behavior.

In other words, to maintain control of toxic passions we keep a calm, steady grip on the reins of alertness and attention. To be able to control one’s poisonous passions helps ensure us of arriving safely at our destination.

Namaste

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes 19th/20th century American journalist and novelist, Theodore Dreiser. “Let no one underestimate the need of pity. We live in a stony universe whose hard, brilliant forces rage fiercely.”