On Maturity

We experience it in how we appear, how we dress, and how we behave. These do not necessarily coincide as we mature. Silver is the color of a precious metal and is also one of the adjectives used to describe older folks. The weight of silver is one measure of the preciousness of the metal. Moral/ethical weight is one sign of a mature person. Traditionally, maturity adds the finishing touch to one’s life as it inspires respect for others and oneself.

“A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.”–Eleanor Roosevelt

When perceived with patience and open-heartedness, maturity provides protection for the soul and the wellbeing of others. It takes time for enjoyment of life yet does not have the frivolous insensitivity of fools. There is, however, a calm aura of authority that whispers rather than shouts. Just because one grows older in years does not automatically mean one has attained maturity. Signs of maturity are subtle–statements become oratory and actions become deeds. People arrive at completion when contemplation, speech, and actions evolve.

Who doesn’t begin to mature when we are in our twenties? In my personal experience, 23 was a breakthrough year. I had a reasonably satisfying job with a major electronics corporation. I could more fully appreciate living within easy reach of my favorite city and its beautiful surroundings. Extended family gave moral support and love. I inched further out of the deceit of the closet and started to focus more effectively on the future. I was far from being a perfect human being, but 23 was the year I actually launched away from childhood towards legitimate adulthood.

As social beings, we are taught to desire and acquire stuff. We are told that the fancier and costlier the things we have, the more satisfying our lives will become. As we mature, we understand the fallacy and superficiality of such a belief. The grandest things in life are not materials. Value resides within the silver and gold of maturity and wisdom. This is revealed as we realize the value of balance and moderation. We reserve our radicalism as a tool to maintain open-mindedness and compassion.

We are encouraged as youths to pledge loyalty to certain groups and institutions. Ideally, as we age, we discover that fanatical belief in cliques, organizations, and institutions creates mental fog that distorts the beauty and complexity of the world. Marching in lockstep causes us to relinquish control of our lives to others who do not necessarily have our best interests at heart. On the other hand, we may decide to govern our own lives. We abide by the laws of the land while guided by the finest personal code of honor and ethics. The mature person is not a petty outlaw, but does not blindly surrender to authoritarians.

One learns to carefully choose one’s battles and not fritter away one’s power on frivolous disputes. While we function legally within a clique or a nation, we are able and willing to function ethically and wisely outside of groups. We have learned that herd mentality is not wisdom per se.

“Avoiding maturity is, for many men, not just a cute hobby, but a life’s work–often handsomely rewarded in the infantile popular culture of the West.”–Australian cartoonist, Michael Leunig

In our youth-centered culture, age and maturity are ridiculed. This trait shows up in disrespect of other generations. It manifests in marketing strategies that aim at our fears about growing older. We become overly nostalgic about the wonder years of our youth. When did we “peak”? Was it in high school, or college, or in our 30s and 40s? Although we learned important lessons during those years, the mature mind has learned to appreciate and to live in the present. Each moment is valuable and life-affirming.

The mature mind knows that we are not the be-all and end-all of the Universe. Yet we are all microcosms and manifestations of it. We know that it is good to treat others and ourselves with all due respect because of our shared humanity. We attain awareness of the ambiguity of our own lives among the multitudes who share our planet. There is both a sense of despair and joy at various stops along the road to maturity. We embrace the fact that nothing is forever set in stone.

Namaste

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes American author and entrepeneur, Jim Rohn. “Maturity is the ability to reap without apology and not complain when things don’t go well.”