Leaning On Ceremony

During the funeral of an acquaintance, I thought about how nearly every Christian funeral has the same basic structure. In this case, the person was a traffic accident victim and had been cremated. For the preceding day’s wake, the urn was displayed on a pedestal and surrounded by flowers. Nearby was an array of photographs depicting the deceased person’s life. There was also a guest book for people to sign.

On the day of the funeral, the urn had been moved to the Roman Catholic church’s vestibule where congregants and mourners gathered to wait to be seated in the sanctuary. Soft organ music played to enhance the emotional atmosphere of the setting. The next of kin and family were ushered to the front pews. Shortly afterwards, the priest began the mass. (In protestant churches, a variation of the standard Sunday church service takes place.) There was singing, a prayer, and a religious affirmation. Next, two euologies were spoken by friends of the deceased. Then the priest then gave a rather lengthy homily and related the topic to the life of the deceased. Following the speech, there was a bendictory prayer. During the final hymn a single pallbearer carried the urn out of the church. This was followed by the ushers showing people out of the sanctuary from the front pews first then the others in orderly fashion.

People were given the option of waiting at the church for the reception or riding in the procession to the cemetery. A friend offered me a seat in his car so we could keep the line of vehicles shorter. At the gravesite, the pallbearer placed the urn in place. Some flowers were brought by the funeral director. The priest gave a short homily and a prayer. Then everyone drove back to the church.

The reception luncheon was presented informally in buffet style. The atmosphere was more relaxed and sociable. The priest then seated himself at the table where my friend and I were eating. Protocol and ceremony became fully relaxed as the priest joined us in conversation and joke telling.

Funerals are among the few remaining events where society still observes a structured decorum and traditional ceremony. They are performed around the world with differing rituals according to cultural customs. The traditions exceed modernity and strengthen bonds between the social institution and the people. The ceremony is a manifestation through legends, stories, and rituals about shared beliefs and ideals. The implied overall message is, do not stray from the path; appreciate that we’ve been doing things this way for many, many years.

It’s good to see ceremonies from the viewpoint of outsiders. In this case, a non-Christian such as myself attending a Roman Catholic funeral. I felt almost as if I had been transported to a foreign country. I could not fully participate in the mass because I am not a Catholic. I felt very much like a foreigner. I was comfortable with that.

Oftentimes, people in places of authority and power demand puntilious ceremony out of tradition and entitlement. They might even be worshippers of their own dignity. Yet, they often show that they are not actually deserving of pomp and circumstance. It is fine to expect ceremony in many instances but to demand it shows a lack of humility.

Just because one can skillfully perform at ceremonies does not necessarily mean one is competent in one’s daily role. After the implements and vestiges of ceremony are stored away, life goes back to normal default. Whether one delivers upon what is implied by ceremony is what really counts. It is really a matter of integrity.

Ciao

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes novelist, short story writer, poet, screenwriter, and filmmaker, Sherman Alexie. “I don’t have to participate in another culture’s ceremonies in order to respect that culture.”