One of the neighbors who lives in the four-plex next door regularly expresses a sickeningly sweet, over the top sort of politeness. His words and demeanor belie an oily, unctuous character. One gets the impression that his politeness is a poorly constructed façade in his attempt to disguise an untrustworthy character. Such extreme politeness makes this neighbor a parody of himself. The character of Eddie Haskell from the vintage “Leave It To Beaver” television show comes to mind.
The Eddie Haskells of the world are melodramatic, obvious examples of people we have met throughout life. Naturally, there are less obvious people who use politeness as a quick-technique to acquire our trust. The more subtle, nuanced politeness is a close kin to flattery. The skillful, deceptive use of politeness is an effective way to mask the character of someone who lacks goodwill, compassion, and trust. Too often, we fail to recognize the untrustworthiness of such people until they have integrated themselves into our lives.
It is fascinating to observe people who utilize superficial politeness as some sort of currency to gain favors and trust from unsuspecting people. They pay us with beautiful, flowery words which we accept and inscribe into the debit column of our emotional balance sheet.
Such a person overwhelms with promises and pie in the sky. Of course the vows are empty and meaningless. To accept such promises at face value is foolishness. But skepticism in the face of unctuous politeness is difficult. We can get swindled emotionally or monetarily before we come to our senses. Once their deceit is uncovered, they move on to their next target with their profitable ruse.
In our world that is rife with harsh cruelty and dishonesty, we yearn to know someone we can trust and respect. We gamble some amount of vulnerability in this quest. To some degree we expose our feelings and thoughts to one another. We do this in our attempts to extend the trust we normally don’t share with strangers. Sometimes we are rewarded by getting to know a truly trustworthy acquaintance. On the other hand, sometimes we get badly burned.
The distracting form of politeness is the tool of the deceitful scoundrel who has discarded her or his scruples. It is a useful piece of kit to have on the path to influence, gain, and power. The mountebank who has perfected this form of dishonesty can easily deceive millions of people. It is not trust that brings them to power but pretended alignment with the population’s priorities and values. In other words, such a person is a charlatan. It isn’t until the charlatan is fully ensconced in office that the ruse begins to unravel.
The charlatan pays obeisance to the means and not the targeted people. The compliments are not given as a way to recognize the good qualities of the target but to gain naïve trust that will only work to the greater advantage of the charlatan.
The take away from this reminder is to heed the ancient advise to beware of flattery.
Ciao
The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes the Ancient Greek philosopher, Democritus. “Do not trust all men, but trust men of worth; the former course is silly, the latter a mark of prudence.”
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