To Trust

One of the most valuable assets we can ever possess is trust. It can take many months and years to deserve it and one should be discerning when giving it to others. Although genuine trust requires plenty of time to build, it can be torn apart in mere seconds.

Trust is at the heart of successful enterprises, social institutions, friendships, and intimate relationships. If there is no trust then any relationship is built on an inadequate foundation. Basically, trust comes about when a person shows her/his vulnerability and is not taken advantage of.

It can be risky business when determining whether or not someone can be trusted. If you really want to find out, you must grant a level of trust to them. When that person feels and understands that trust, then she/he will return the trust–hopefully.

Building and maintaining trust does not occur due to clever techniques, tools, or tricks. Trust requires small, meaningful actions over time that reveal good character. We earn and give trust not because of slick public relations campaigns or smooth talk. To believe such superficiality is foolish and can be dangerous.

This subject of trust came up during a coffee date with my friend Jonathan. He has been recently hired by a jewelry store as an intern while he trains as a jeweler. Such a position requires a great deal of trust due to the valuable nature of the merchandise. Jonathan asked if I believed that “Trust is a gift to be given and not something that had to be earned.”

After a few moments of thought, I replied that I believe the matter is not a question of one or the other, but that trust requires both.

As to my friend’s new job, I reminded Jonathan that he had to be bonded. His new manager had a bonding company thoroughly investigate Jonathan’s past history and other background issues. The bonding company used several criteria to determine whether or not to advise the jewelry store that Jonathan was trustworthy enough to insure.

The bonding firm determined that the risk of Jonathan harming the jewelry store in any way was very low. So, my friend not only had to earn trust, but was granted trust in the process of being hired.

In matters that do not relate to employment in jewelry stores, banks, and accounting firms, it would be great if there was a way to hire a bonding company to help determine how much we could trust new acquaintances and lovers.

If we cannot trust someone enough we will be tormented by doubt; if we trust someone too much we could be deceived and betrayed. To evaluate the question of trust we have to rely upon both rationality and intuition. We can examine the data and evidence regarding the person or institution yet we often finalize a decision based upon a hunch or a feeling in the gut. 

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

In order to understand and skillfully grant and earn trust we must, first of all, trust ourselves. This works the same way a wise person deals with love. In order to authentically love someone and be loved by them, we must first love ourselves. In the case of trust, trust is also a vital aspect of love. We cannot fully love ourselves nor another person if trust is absent.

It all boils down to earning and granting ourselves trustworthiness. This trust will enable the sort of self that we will find the satisfaction and happiness we desire. Trust is the beginning and the foundation upon which good things are built. Where there is trust, the good life can flourish.

Ciao
The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes actor, producer, and singer-songwriter, Eminem. “Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kind of funny about making new friends.”